Posted in humor, junk mail, Mail, Postal Service, United States Postal Service

A Very Special Offer

If you’re like me, you don’t receive enough junk mail.

Have I got a great offer for you!

Best of all, it’s free.**

Thanks to my start-up, Junk Mail Unlimited, you can get up to five pieces of junk mail every day for the rest of your life.

I know what you’re thinking: This is too good to be true.

But you’re wrong. Just ask Betty F. from Berkeley, Illinois: “I signed up and get so much junk mail it’s like a dream come true.” Or Agatha R. from Simsbury, Connecticut: “Love the mail piling up on my driveway.” Or Dudley P. from Lincoln, Nebraska: “I feel like I’ve won the lottery!”

I could go on, but I’m sure you’re wondering how you, too, can get junk mail.

Sign up now and as a bonus, you’ll receive unlimited magazine offers from magazines you could care less about; renewal notices from magazines just one month after you’ve subscribed; donation requests from organizations you’ve never heard of; and much, much more.

What’s the catch?

No catch, no gimmicks. Just pure junk mail.

The first ten to respond get a lifetime supply of calendars, address labels, and notepads.

**Void where prohibited.



I am a rather obscure 14th C. poet, whose work has been translated into over thirty dialects of gibberish. I now spend my days translating from the gibberish into English and back again, as need be.

4 thoughts on “A Very Special Offer

  1. The Postal Service will praise you for adding badly needed revenue. How can I find out where exactly “where prohibited” is located? Thanks for caring about the junk mail recipients!


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