When I last wrote about my shredder, I thought it had come back to life for good. Alas, I spoke too soon. It took me a long time to accept the truth: it had died, and I needed to say goodbye.
I brought home my new shredder late last week. I think the stationery store neglected it: it devoured paper like it was ravenous. It was so hungry, it ate too much too fast, and started choking.
I was terribly worried. The thought of losing another shredder so soon was too much to bear. Plus, my CPR class had not taught me mouth to mouth shredder resuscitation.
I did the best I could do. I took its temperature–warm, but not overheated. I pressed Reverse, and it regurgitated many messy credit card and ATM slips. I’m sure I would have choked, too, had I attempted to swallow them whole.
Thankfully, Shredder’s better. I’m sure it would welcome any greetings you send its way. It promises not to shred them.