Posted in humor, office supplies, paper jams, shredders, stationery stores

A Shred of Truth (The Sequel)

When I last wrote about my shredder, I thought it had come back to life for good. Alas, I spoke too soon. It took me a long time to accept the truth: it had died, and I needed to say goodbye.

I brought home my new shredder late last week. I think the stationery store neglected it: it devoured paper like it was ravenous. It was so hungry, it ate too much too fast, and started choking.

I was terribly worried. The thought of losing another shredder so soon was too much to bear. Plus, my CPR class had not taught me mouth to mouth shredder resuscitation.

I did the best I could do. I took its temperature–warm, but not overheated. I pressed Reverse, and it regurgitated many messy credit card and ATM slips. I’m sure I would have choked, too, had I attempted to swallow them whole.

Thankfully, Shredder’s better. I’m sure it would welcome any greetings you send its way. It promises not to shred them.



I am a rather obscure 14th C. poet, whose work has been translated into over thirty dialects of gibberish. I now spend my days translating from the gibberish into English and back again, as need be.

6 thoughts on “A Shred of Truth (The Sequel)

  1. My mini shredder is jealous of your maxi shredder’s capacity to munch gulps and extrude remains into a tidy basket. Maybe mine will have to mimic the TV ads for digestive bulk and fiber to get big and strong. Mine offers a support group for shredders that do get clogged and spit up messily. Good Luck, or maybe it’s better to get paper work that doesn’t need to be shredded, just kept forever in big piles of mementos.

    Liked by 1 person

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