The sock market crashed earlier in the week, with the news that one of its own disappeared.
“It’s a SmartWool sock,” said its mate. “I don’t know what it was thinking. PhD socks are always one step ahead.”
The sock was discovered missing Monday morning when A Certain Someone collected her clothes from the dryer, sorted them, and then… discovered the sordid truth. She immediately sent an email to the press: My Sock Is Missing!
News of the missing sock spread far and wide as members of the community aired out their dirty laundry.
“I hate the thought of it wandering off without any socks to talk to,” said an old worn sock. “Or worse, what if someone socked him?”
At this, the holey socks began to pray. The wick away socks were sweating. Of course, they were scared; what if the sock were the victim of a stalking?
Ankle socks and knee socks have been holding a vigil while toe socks and crew socks are chanting, “What do we want? Our sock! When do we want it? Now!”
A sock without its mate makes an unhappy pair. So…please, if you have any leads, any tips, do not hesitate. Do not tiptoe. Take the next step. Call the Federal Bureau of Sock Investigation today.
** reported from the Berkeley Bureau (sock bureau, that is).