Posted in humor, travel writing

Flight Status

If you want to get anywhere in the world, it all boils down to status. I had arranged to fly to my native land using an airline I shall refer to as Harrumph. I chose Harrumph because I have frequent flyer miles; in the not so long ago olden days, I recalled earning 5,000 miles for roundtrip flights from here to there.

As it turns out, the not so long ago olden days are long ago olden days. What was 5,000 miles then equals 2,000 miles now. Since I couldn’t do the math, I called Harrumph for a tutorial. What happened to my miles? I wondered.

The lady explained that I wasn’t the right status. She said if I were high status, I would get a lot of miles whereas low status flyers get fewer. All men are created equal, but not all passengers.

She mentioned the possibility of complimentary upgrades.

“Complimentary upgrades?” I asked. “What kind?” I envisioned a free bag of salted peanuts.

She hemmed and hawed and said she’d have to see, she’d have to check, she’d have to get back to me.

I said, “Most companies, if they have a dissatisfied customer on the line, they try to do something nice to ensure a customer’s loyalty. You have a choice: you can transform a dissatisfied customer into a happy customer or you can transform a dissatisfied customer into no customer. I could always switch airlines.”

“No! Don’t do that,” she begged. “We don’t want you to go. Please stay.” She said she’d upgrade my seat to Economy Plus for the outbound only.

Before we hung up, she said, “You’re the best part of Harrumph.”

I was glowing. Not only did I get a complimentary upgrade, I also got a compliment.

And maybe if I’m lucky, I’ll get a bag of peanuts, too.



I am a rather obscure 14th C. poet, whose work has been translated into over thirty dialects of gibberish. I now spend my days translating from the gibberish into English and back again, as need be.

3 thoughts on “Flight Status

  1. The blog wins you many frequent reader miles–I hope. What a run-around the airlines give these days–what with high fares despite low gas prices, narrow seats, less leg room, no meals or decent snacks, and charges for checking luggage. Peanuts? it’s peanuts, for sure.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I was told to pack a bag lunch by my elderly relatives when I took my first plane ride from Victoria to Vancouver, BC. which was 25 minutes or less depending if there was a tail wind. Maybe you’ll have to pack a bigger bag lunch on your plane trip, Eva–be sure to include lots of chocolates, for emergencies, of course. . . 😉

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s