Posted in humor, parenting, plants

Plant Parenthood

I’ve been eating a lot of avocados lately, so I thought I’d repost this blog, which first appeared on RedRoom.


As anyone knows, parenting is hard work.

Especially if your child is a vegetable.

Or fruit.

Like my avocado.

She is not yet fully developed. But. She has potential. I will do what I can to help her reach her avocado avocation. Perhaps send her on a vocation vacation.

For now, she remains in the nursery, where she says, “Leaf me alone!”

She is at that age.

Or it’s because I recently uprooted her. Moving to a new home is stressful.

Initially, her life was in the pits. Actually, the pit. When I gave her a fresh start, she grew to new heights. Her sudden growth spurt made me realize it was time to give her the bottle, so I transferred her to bigger digs–a former canola oil bottle. She took root, growing till she burst out of her pitful existence, and one day demanded, “Give me the dirt.” I transplanted her in an old flowerpot. Not wanting her to be isolated in botany monotony, I surrounded her with other plants.

After all, I’d like her to have a sense of her culture.

Or horticulture.




I am a rather obscure 14th C. poet, whose work has been translated into over thirty dialects of gibberish. I now spend my days translating from the gibberish into English and back again, as need be.

6 thoughts on “Plant Parenthood

  1. Your plantiful musings on parenting a plant implanted many smiles on my face. Ever fresh and bountiful are your sprouts of witty phrases. Keep planting and cultivating your blogs.

    Liked by 2 people

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