Posted in health insurance, humor

Assurance Insurance

Health insurance is a dandy thing, but I need something more, and I’m not sure if it’s provided by my provider.

I’ve had the same insurance for three years, but in the past three months it’s started leaving automated voice messages. Some tell me I’m missing key screenings while others are prescription descriptions.

I find these calls annoying. I know I’m up to date on my screenings and I don’t take any medication. When yet another call about screenings nearly sent me screaming, I called the company and asked to be removed from the call list. The lady assured me that would happen.

A few days later I received another call, this one about prescriptions. Since that call was not prescribed, I called again. I told the person that earlier in the week I spoke to someone who had said she’d taken me off the list, but I was still getting calls.

The new lady said, “In order for us to better assist  you, we need your phone number.”

I said, “Wouldn’t you already have it, since that’s how calls are being made?”

“Oh yes,” she said. “Is your number xxx-xxxx?”


She assured me I wouldn’t get any more calls.

I wish I could believe her. It would help if I had Assurance Insurance.



I am a rather obscure 14th C. poet, whose work has been translated into over thirty dialects of gibberish. I now spend my days translating from the gibberish into English and back again, as need be.

2 thoughts on “Assurance Insurance

  1. The prescription for the persistent caller should be: “Take none a day. Dispense with bottled calls after immediate use. Notice that the repeated dosage of calls leads to side effects, such as nervous irritation, interrupted concentration, startled reflexes, and tightened muscles.”

    Liked by 3 people

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