Posted in humor, interviews

Ask The Expert

Today I am extremely happy to introduce a special guest. A. Clutterer is a nationally-recognized expert in the field of clutter. A., we’re delighted to have you with us.

A.: Thank you.

Emsch the Mensch: Correct me if I’m wrong, but don’t you have a PhD in Clutter?

A.: Actually, three.

Emsch the Mensch: Three! That’s quite extraordinary.

A.: I collect them.

Emsch the Mensch: Do you have all three degrees framed and on display?

A.: Actually, they’re all in a pile…somewhere…

Emsch the Mensch: I’m sure our audience would love to know: how did you get your start? Did you develop your interest at an early age?

A.: Believe it or not, I was a very neat child. I always put away my toys and reshelved my books. I would have continued in this vein, had it not been for my parents. They were my role models, guiding me by example. Over time, their cluttering influenced me.

Emsch the Mensch: Little did they know, their daughter would grow up to be an expert.

A.: Life is certainly full of surprises.

Emsch the Mensch: Tell us about your daily routine.

A.: I spend a good portion of each day gazing with awe at my many piles of stuff.

Emsch the Mensch: Do you ever wonder where you put something?

A.:  Truth is, I specialize in putting something down and forgetting where it is.

Emsch the Mensch: What is your secret to success?

A.: Decluttering. Nothing gives me greater satisfaction than finding things I misplaced, whether it was ten seconds or ten years ago. But the funny thing is when things are in my various piles, I seem to know exactly where they are, but if I reorganize the piles—total chaos.

Emsch the Mensch: Ha ha ha. That is funny. If someone wanted to follow in your footsteps, what is your #1 recommendation?

A.: Begin with a clean surface–table, chair, floor, bed, etc. Put down a piece of paper, clothing, a magazine, or book. It really could be anything. Every few hours, add to it, as though you were watering a plant. I guarantee, you will grow your pile of clutter in no time.

Emsch the Mensch: Before we say goodbye, any other words of wisdom?

A.: “A place for everything and everything in its place,” as my friend Mary Poppins used to say.

Emsch the Mensch: Thank you so much for joining us. The first to respond will win an autographed pile of clutter!




I am a rather obscure 14th C. poet, whose work has been translated into over thirty dialects of gibberish. I now spend my days translating from the gibberish into English and back again, as need be.

6 thoughts on “Ask The Expert

  1. What about the clutter on my e-mail file? I need a Declutterer for the endless messages beseeching me for donations. My “trash” pile is probably sky high by now. HELP! Thanks for a superb blog!

    Liked by 1 person

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