Posted in home improvement, humor, plumbing

Clog Safe

It’s been awhile since I last wrote.

I got a job!

I’m now a plumber.

My plumb delightful job came about when I flushed the toilet a few weeks ago and the water swirled, rising higher higher, dangerously close to overflowing.

I took the plunge.

How I plunged.

I plunged the way my former roommate taught me. A spiffy plunge trick that works every time.

Except this time.

The water rose higher.

I called for back-up; back-up came in the guise of a YouTube video that had been watched over two million times. The plumber showed water rising, just like in my toilet. He plunged. Presto. He recommended a special, ridged plunger.

I raced out into the night to find one. I couldn’t find one.

I couldn’t believe my eyes when I got home. The water level was lower.

I cheered that my plunging trick had worked. I flushed the toilet and gasped as the water rose and rose. My toilet and I had a few more ups and downs. I persisted in my plunging prowess. I understood the meaning of success, when I heard the happy gurgle of my draining toilet.

A few weeks later, I needed to replenish my toilet paper supply. I found what seemed to be perfect–big, fat rolls that would not only last awhile, but according to the outside packaging were “clog safe.” There was a picture of a plunger with a line through it. With this toilet paper there would be no more clogs.

But the other day, my toilet clogged. Perhaps the package marketing had instead intended a wish, much like when people say, “travel safe.” My clogs would be safe.

Clog safe, everyone.



I am a rather obscure 14th C. poet, whose work has been translated into over thirty dialects of gibberish. I now spend my days translating from the gibberish into English and back again, as need be.

One thought on “Clog Safe

  1. good luck with your building a resume about declogging and getting accepted by the elite union of certified plumbers, though not yet able to declog politics for which unsanitary language may be applied.


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