Posted in change, Communication, Customer Service, funny, humor, office supplies, office supply stores, rewards programs, Uncategorized

Change Needed

I started off the morning by doing laundry. I had enough quarters for one load. I had been thinking I’d wait for another day to do more, but then decided to finish everything today. To accomplish my worthy goals, I needed change.

I went to the corporate-owned supermarket to get it. Not too long ago, I had gotten quarters there and the cashier who gave them to me said, “If you ever need quarters, you come to us.” So I did. And today’s cashier said, “We can’t give you quarters.”

He suggested going to the Laundromat. You can feed bills into the machine and it spits out quarters. The machine had a sign: For Customers Only. I checked around to see if anyone was watching. I didn’t notice a video camera. I felt like a rebel as I gave the machine my bills.

While waiting for the washer to spin, I had time on my hands and used it to call a certain office supply store, where I bought my shredder last year. At the time, the cashier had told me that since I had a Rewards card, I would get a Reward. I love such promises. She said I’d get it December 31. In December I also bought some ink and recycled ink cartridges. The cashier told me I’d get credit for my purchase January 6. I could hardly wait.

December 31 came and went; no Reward. Ditto for January 6. I called to complain. Customer Service told me that 12/31 was incorrect; Feb. 1 was the correct date. As for the Jan. 6 credit, it would actually happen June 4.

Feb. 1 came and went; no Reward. I looked in my phone book for the store’s number. It showed only the number for Printing and Marketing Services. I called and asked for the main store. The man said, “This is the main store.” I said, “I thought it was Printing and Marketing.” He said, “This is Printing and Marketing.” I said, “My question is not about printing and marketing.” I told him what it was about. He said, “You need the main store.”

Next I spoke with Customer Service. The person said, “Oh, you will get a Reward June 4.” I noted that was the date for my ink credit. The coincidence was too much for her to handle; she referred me to the Rewards Desk.

When I called, the woman said, “I can’t access the log in page. I can’t access the account.” After everything I had been through, I was not surprised.. She said she’d keep trying. A few minutes later: success! She told me that I had $8 ink credit and it would expire Feb. 28.

Whoa. There is a big difference between Feb 28 and June 4. Just imagine if I had waited till June 4. No ink credit for me. I cannot imagine a sadder fate. As for my Reward, turns out such things are equal to two percent of the purchase and distributed in $5 increments. I did the math. My 2% = 1.98; no Reward for me.

For many years, I had customer servicey kinds of jobs. As I recall, it was key to communicate clearly so the customers would be happy and want to return. The misinformation I received made me long for change.

Funny how I started the day wanting that, too.

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Posted in art supplies, funny, hair, humor, office supplies, office supply stores, Uncategorized

A Shred of Truth (Part 3)

It seemed like a good idea at the time. I wanted to do some shredding. I had time on my hands because I had an appointment with someone who was scheduled to arrive between 9am and 1pm. Plenty of time to deal with the dreaded shredding pile.

I plugged in my shredder and added paper. Instead of going forward, it moved in reverse. Instead of the whole jaw being open, only the left part accepted paper. It was like it had a toothache. Soon after, its top grew warm. I cannot even tell you what it was like to want to shred and not be able to.

I called the office supply place to ask if they had the amazing shredder I had bought many years ago. The person said it was out of stock. He said I could order it over the phone. I wasn’t ready. When I called back, the next person said I couldn’t order over the phone. She said I could order online, call the 1-800 number, or order it in the store. I was ready to tear out my hair.

Speaking of which, I had tied it back so it wouldn’t get swallowed by the shredder. I put my hair in a tie that had lost its elasticity, so I wrapped it around and around my pony tail. Later, when I checked, it had gotten loose in my hair. I decided to switch it for one that still had elasticity. When I reached back for it, it was stuck to my hair. I had to cut it off, along with my hair.

Next I drew with color pencils. The points got worn down, so I sharpened them. At least, I thought, my sharpener was working. Except, just then, my green pencil got trapped inside.

By then it was 1pm and there was no sign of my visitor. I called his company and even though my appointment time was between 9am and 1pm, even though yesterday’s confirmation call was for 9am and 1pm, he had not gotten the memo.

However, I couldn’t wait any longer. I needed to get my shredder. If I ordered before 2, one customer sales rep had said, I could pick up my shredder by noon tomorrow. I went to the store. I was about to order it, when the salesperson suggested to his co-worker that he search in the backroom for the shredder I wanted. The co-worker looked like he would rather do anything else.

“Please,” I begged.

Next thing I knew, my shredder was walking toward me.

I couldn’t wait to get it home. I gave it so much paper. It didn’t complain once. It kept moving forward. It kept its cool.

Posted in humor, office supplies, paper jams, shredders, stationery stores

A Shred of Truth (The Sequel)

When I last wrote about my shredder, I thought it had come back to life for good. Alas, I spoke too soon. It took me a long time to accept the truth: it had died, and I needed to say goodbye.

I brought home my new shredder late last week. I think the stationery store neglected it: it devoured paper like it was ravenous. It was so hungry, it ate too much too fast, and started choking.

I was terribly worried. The thought of losing another shredder so soon was too much to bear. Plus, my CPR class had not taught me mouth to mouth shredder resuscitation.

I did the best I could do. I took its temperature–warm, but not overheated. I pressed Reverse, and it regurgitated many messy credit card and ATM slips. I’m sure I would have choked, too, had I attempted to swallow them whole.

Thankfully, Shredder’s better. I’m sure it would welcome any greetings you send its way. It promises not to shred them.