5

A Tale of Two Hats & Two Sunglasses

I had plans to go out and put on my sunhat. Then I was searching for my sunglasses. I have two pairs and one pair was in plain sight while the other pair, which I wanted to wear, was hidden. I searched and searched and finally found it. Then I thought, now I need my hat. I was searching for that for a few minutes until I realized I was wearing it.

 

That reminded me of the time I had taken a commuter bus to visit a friend. I was wearing a wool hat she had knitted. When it was time to go, we said our goodbyes, and I got back on the bus. Suddenly, I thought, my hat is missing. I asked the people on the bus if they had seen it. They looked on their seats and the floor. I got off the bus and looked in my friend’s car. I searched the sidewalk. The bus driver had to leave. I felt sad thinking that I would have to go without my friend’s hat. I walked up the bus stairs. As I turned to say goodbye to my friend, I happened to touch my head. There was my hat.

Today I went biking with my bf.  We drove to another town. I was wearing my sunhat and sunglasses in the car. When I got out of the car, I left my hat behind. I immediately thought, I must remember to put on my sunglasses. My hand touched my bike jacket’s chest pocket. I felt their hard plastic frames and removed the sunglasses. I attempted to put them on. I couldn’t. I was already wearing them.

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7

A Sticky Situation

My  tape dispenser broke, and my tape stuck to the roll. It is impossible to get it flowing again. My current challenge made me recall how worse it could be, and I thought I’d share this via my former Red Room blog:

Thank You For Your Concern

Thank you to everyone who sent emails, wrote longhand, wrote shorthand, called, visited, brought food, and did my laundry. I appreciated your sympathy pertaining to my recent loss~that of my Scotch tape. To those of you who made donations in its name to 3M, I thank you for your generosity.

Thank you for asking about my well being in its absence.

It’s been a rough couple of weeks. But. I am managing. Somehow. I’ve been scrounging around for stickers as well as for the white skinny strips that border stamps, the ones looking like they’ve been nibbled on, after the stamp has eloped with an envelope. I am starting to feel better. Hope is in sight, even when my tape remains out of sight.

The other night I dreamed I found it.

You can imagine my excitement.

I dreamed it was in my recycle.

Since I often have ESP, clairvoyance, clairaudience, premonitions, and psychic dreams, I was confident it was a Sign.

It was not.

Nevertheless, I believe it will show up. I have faith.

Any moment now.

In the meanwhile, I am pleased to announce, and hope that you’ll join me in welcoming (drum roll, please), its replacement. Not name brand Scotch tape.

Been there. Done that.

Not Mystik tape, measuring tape, or masking tape. Not ticker tape, adhesive tape, or cellophane.

But a poser. A bonafide poser. Which I located lolling about in the stationery aisle at a $1 store.

It was going nowhere till I came along.

Stationary stationery supply.

Perhaps it was even meditating, wishing for someone to come along and take it home. That someone was I.

We already have become the best of friends, especially because it goes to greater lengths than that of its predecessor. That is to say, it has stick-to-itiveness.

But if its predecessor happens to read this, I’ll have a sticky situation on my hands.

 

 

 

6

Ask The Expert

Today I am extremely happy to introduce a special guest. A. Clutterer is a nationally-recognized expert in the field of clutter. A., we’re delighted to have you with us.

A.: Thank you.

Emsch the Mensch: Correct me if I’m wrong, but don’t you have a PhD in Clutter?

A.: Actually, three.

Emsch the Mensch: Three! That’s quite extraordinary.

A.: I collect them.

Emsch the Mensch: Do you have all three degrees framed and on display?

A.: Actually, they’re all in a pile…somewhere…

Emsch the Mensch: I’m sure our audience would love to know: how did you get your start? Did you develop your interest at an early age?

A.: Believe it or not, I was a very neat child. I always put away my toys and reshelved my books. I would have continued in this vein, had it not been for my parents. They were my role models, guiding me by example. Over time, their cluttering influenced me.

Emsch the Mensch: Little did they know, their daughter would grow up to be an expert.

A.: Life is certainly full of surprises.

Emsch the Mensch: Tell us about your daily routine.

A.: I spend a good portion of each day gazing with awe at my many piles of stuff.

Emsch the Mensch: Do you ever wonder where you put something?

A.:  Truth is, I specialize in putting something down and forgetting where it is.

Emsch the Mensch: What is your secret to success?

A.: Decluttering. Nothing gives me greater satisfaction than finding things I misplaced, whether it was ten seconds or ten years ago. But the funny thing is when things are in my various piles, I seem to know exactly where they are, but if I reorganize the piles—total chaos.

Emsch the Mensch: Ha ha ha. That is funny. If someone wanted to follow in your footsteps, what is your #1 recommendation?

A.: Begin with a clean surface–table, chair, floor, bed, etc. Put down a piece of paper, clothing, a magazine, or book. It really could be anything. Every few hours, add to it, as though you were watering a plant. I guarantee, you will grow your pile of clutter in no time.

Emsch the Mensch: Before we say goodbye, any other words of wisdom?

A.: “A place for everything and everything in its place,” as my friend Mary Poppins used to say.

Emsch the Mensch: Thank you so much for joining us. The first to respond will win an autographed pile of clutter!