Posted in funny, How To Unstick Zippers, humor, knapsacks, plastic bags, Uncategorized

The Operation Was A Success

All was going well, when my life hit a snag. My zipper got stuck. Not just any zipper, but the coil zipper* on my beloved knapsack. It went forward. It did not go backward. The culprit: a plastic bag.

There are many reasons not to use plastic bags, and one that is never talked about is that it could snag your beloved knapsack zipper.

However, I had confidence. Because I recently solved The Case of the Missing Glass Case. And if I could do that, I could do anything.

Like any good surgeon, I needed appropriate tools. Mine were a small screwdriver, bobby pin, pencil, and flashlight.

I began by inserting the screwdriver into the zipper doohickey and wiggling it about to extricate extraneous bag bits. Next I used a bobby pin. It broke in half, which turned out to be a good thing; one half had a little hook and I could scrape away at the tiniest plastic pieces. Then I said, “Open wide and say ahh,” and shone a flashlight inside. It looked like I had taken care of the problem. But the zipper still wouldn’t work, so I consulted the oracle: a WikiHow article on unsticking zippers. It recommended rubbing a pencil inside the zipper and along the teeth. The graphite acts as a cleaner and rubs away the dirt.

Voila! My zipper worked. Backwards, forwards. Up and down. I felt quite zippy.

* Footnote: So that I could properly name the zipper type, I consulted a Source on the anatomy of a zipper. Just goes to show what a great surgeon I am.

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Posted in artisan vegan food, Earth Day, funny, humor, Uncategorized

Beating The Odds

Happy Earth Day, everyone!

I went to a festival. I roamed around, visiting exhibits on climate change, animal rights, and vegan snacks.

I helped myself to a bag of beet chips. I put a chip in my mouth. Crunch. I chewed. It tasted beety. I swallowed. Another chip. Crunch crunch. Swallow. Another. Chew.  Crunch. Swallow. Another. I chewed and chewed, but could not chew through.

I spit it out and examined it with beady eyes.

Chips ahoy! It wasn’t a chip. It was desiccant, the packet used to preserve freshness.

I am usually so careful about reading package ingredients and warning statements. What are the odds I’d forget to read the beet bag’s back?

Beats me.

Posted in change, funny, grocery shopping, Grocery Stores, humor, New Blogs, Uncategorized

Can’t Count On It

I was in the grocery store checkout line.

“$1.05,” said the cashier.

I handed him a twenty. I was about to search for a nickel, when ka-ching! Coins raced, clinking through the chute to the little tray.

I counted. I recounted. I had done the math. I had a dispute with the machine’s compute. I had been shortchanged.

What does it say about the world if even a machine can’t be counted on to give the correct amount?

Change is needed.